"If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction." (Psalm 119:92)

I, Jeffrey Lim, wrestled for 16 years (in and out) with theological school. I grappled with various things, like a longing to know God and His word, as well as to proclaim the Gospel. Eventually, I found that it was this very process of struggle that God designed to bring hope, strength, and comfort to my suffering due to the mental illness I experienced.

Matthew Warren, son of Rick Warren (author of the book Purpose Driven Life) who had bipolar disorder, ended his life at the age of 27. William Cowper, the hymn writer of "There is a Fountain Filled with Blood", who in the darkness of his life due to depression had repeatedly tried to take his own life, remained preserved by God's grace. The world might judge that it is futile for someone with mental illness to struggle through 16 years of theological school. However, I believe it is a great grace, where God preserved and strengthened me to be able to live with a mental illness that affects my thoughts, feelings, and distorts my life functions.

In my reflections during my time at the seminary, God taught me about the nature of mental illness. The medical model of secular psychology sees the nature of mental illness only from the biological side. Jay E. Adams, founder of the Biblical Counseling movement, sees another aspect of mental illness, namely the spiritual issue (sin). Jim Olthuis, author of the book Beautiful Risk, sees the love-beloved relationship as a form of therapy for psychological struggles. Eventually, I understood that the aspects of mental disorders are multidimensional, including biological, psychological, social (relational), and spiritual aspects.

In my long struggle with mental illness, I realistically learned that there is a possibility I need to take medication for life. Medication is a common grace from human research through general revelation. Medicine helps in biological terms. However, apart from medication, I believe what is more essential is the concept of the sufficiency of Scripture in matters of faith, practice, and the Christian worldview. Secular psychology might help alleviate suffering, but it does not resolve the core struggle itself. The need to receive love and forgiveness from God, His justification, and sanctification from Him are deeper spiritual needs. Spiritual issues like guilt and shame, which often accompany those with mental illness, must be resolved in relation to God. Then, I also gained insight from biblical counseling, that the goal of biblical counseling is not merely to obtain healing, but to glorify God and to be formed to be more like Him in progressive sanctification. So, the paradigm is not for healing, but for sanctification.

I think, God knows that the measure of my mental illness requires a deeper understanding of the word. Therefore, I had to go to theological school to obtain hope, strength, and comfort that enabled me to endure. Like the title of the song "God Moves in Mysterious Ways" by William Cowper, I believe that God works in His mysterious ways, beyond my thoughts, to bring me to know Him as well as myself at the deepest level of my heart.

All glory to the Triune God alone!